Charge It To My Head and Not My Heart

The posts may come a bit slower this week.  I'm going out of town, but not the kind of girlfriend-getaway-to-a-fabulous-destination kind of out of town. I'm headed back to Louisiana to say goodbye to my beloved Uncle James. I came home Friday night to the sad news that he had passed.  Today, the mind numbing feeling that goes with this loss is still here, but there is comfort that he is not in pain anymore.  My Uncle James was more than just an uncle. He and my aunt Maggie were the Hotel Chez James & Maggie of New Orleans, Louisiana for many years.   Family and friends traveled to New Orleans to enjoy Jazz Fest, Bayou Classic, Mardi Gras, Essence and any reason to be in Nawlins' and stay with them.

I can recall many trips to Nawlins'  just to sip Sazerac, Beignets and Cafe au Lait from Cafe du Monde, Hurricanes, Bloody Mary's, walks on Bourbon and Canal Streets, dinner at Cochon, Dooky Chase, Casamento's, Commander's Palace, and Jacqui Imo's.  Their home has been a haven to me, family, and  friends.  When they lost everything to Hurricane Katrina they packed up and headed to Leesville to be near family - always with their heads held high.  I didn't think I would have to return to Louisiana in less than 30 days, but duty calls. 

You may ask how can she find beauty in his death? I find it in the way he loved his wife and son. I mean the kind of love that lasted over 51 years of a good marriage and raising a fine young man (my cousin is a Professor just like his dad - smart, kind, and nice).  The beauty of his memory when I needed a good therapy session (he was a Psychologist) or the beauty in knowing that Aunt Maggie never had a daughter, but she loved me like I was hers and gave me her trusted recipes for Oyster Dressing and Stuffed Mirliton's. 

I remember years ago when I debated studying abroad in Paris and my family was not keen on me going that far away for weeks.  He called me and said "Sugar, get your butt on that plane.  Your family will get past it and if they don't it's your life. You are a good girl - go; go to Paris and make me and your family proud.  I want you to eat lots of great food and drink tons of great wine.  (I happily did both).  Enjoy life because it's a gift."  I booked my ticket the next day and it was one of the best lectures I've ever received. 

I will try to post as often as I can, but if the week feels empty, remember so do I.   I will be back next week better than ever.  Charge it to my head and not my heart.  Thanks for understanding.  I love you all.  Mwah!

At times like this e.e. cummings always touches me. 

i carry your heart with me by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Comments

[Nike Shox CL]

All things are difficult before they are easy. Whatever we do, we must put our heart and soul in it. Thanks for you blog.

[Roxxen]

Ah Chère - you words are so full and meaningful here...very touching...so sorry for your loss, and the vacant feeling...

much love - Roxanna

[Gem]

So sorry for your loss
enjoy your time with your family

[cross woodfield]

i am so sorry.
e.e. cummings is pure comfort & brilliance...

i love all of his poems.

hope your days get brighter & brighter.

X

[Laurie]

Just reading this now. I'm so sorry for you loss and thank you for sharing your heart with us.

xo
Laurie

[Greekgirlzk]

J-

So sorry to hear about your family's loss. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!

[Cris Simone]

Sincere condolences.

[Audierose]

I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle. As always my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[PhotoGirl]

Your words are a remarkable tribute to your uncle. I'm sure he would be proud.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Evan]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Julia. But I know that your Uncle James is standing at the pearly gates, smiling down on your family.

[ElleB]

My prayers are definitely with you and your family during this hard time. God Bless You.

[ADT]

Sorry for your loss. Wonderful post. Take care.

[Tara Bash]

Julia, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just lost my aunt 2 weeks ago to breast cancer so I understand how you are feeling. You and your family are in my prayers. Tara

[Jaime]

What a touching remembrance of your Uncle. He sounds like an amazing man. You're such a wonderful woman and I can only imagine that your Uncle will smiling down on you, so proud of everything that you've accomplished.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Amber]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Julia. Your uncle sounds like he was a wonderful, charismatic man. I'm here if you want to chat. xoxo

[Breeza]

I'm so sorry for your loss. xx

[City Girl]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your writing on this represents such a beautiful tribute

[Felicia Sullivan]

Julia,

LMK if there's anything I can do to make your life easier during this very difficult time,

xoxoxo

[Erika]

I love you and I'm thinking of you! xoxox, BBBFF

[nikki]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle. This post was beautiful

[Carol Meyers]

I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your Uncle James. What a beautiful tribute to a remarkable individual. Take care.

[monique]

so sorry to hear about your loss Julia. my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. xoxo